He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
