I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
