worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
they call him Oral-B. enough said
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
