The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
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