I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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