Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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