good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
