I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
