I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
