omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
