We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
