The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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