i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
