I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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