She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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