my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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