I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
