just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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