like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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