He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Boobs speak an international language.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
