I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
