marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
