I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
