Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
