Who did Billy Mays play for?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
you never un-have a 4some
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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