thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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