he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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