I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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