maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You may now shotgun with the bride
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
