Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
We have started to decorate penises.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
