I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
