i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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