well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
