remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
