Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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