My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
