By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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