i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
The beer is more important than you right now.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
