Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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