Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
