I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
