I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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