You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
