sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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