she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
