Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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