It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
