He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
