It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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