Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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