Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
