Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
