You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
