I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
