Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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