Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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